To Flourish, Love God and Neighbor
We were made for face-to-face interaction. Yet, most of us find ourselves starved for it. Reimagining the way we relate to technology is a key way to not only disrupt the forces of social disintegration that divide us but also to serve and worship God.
Does that sound far-fetched? Hear me out.
Christians believe that to flourish as human beings, two commandments are central: love God and love your neighbor (Matthew 22:37-39). However, living them out can be challenging in a world filled with distractions and forces that pull us away from genuine connection. Many of these forces masquerade as tools for connection, yet they disconnect us from both God and others.
The Biblical Context of Connection
In the first century, loving your neighbor naturally occurred in the context of face-to-face communication. There simply weren’t other options. The Good Samaritan couldn’t tweet about the man on the side of the road to “raise awareness” or call 911. The only loving option was to stoop in the dirt and clean his wounds.
Even in Paul’s letters, we sense a longing for in-person communication. Consider these verses from 2 Thessalonians:
“We felt orphaned when we were separated from you (physically, not in heart), and with great desire, we made every effort to see you. For we wanted to come to you—certainly I, Paul, did, again and again—but Satan blocked our way… night and day we pray most earnestly that we might see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.”
Paul is longing for face-to-face connection reflects the depth of love that physical presence enables.
The Scriptures also emphasize direct interaction with God. Moses’ relationship with God was exceptional because God spoke to him face to face (Exodus 33:11). The psalmist longed to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord (Psalm 27:4), and Paul described our ultimate hope as seeing God face to face (1 Corinthians 13:12). There’s simply no substitute for presence.
The Modern Challenge of Presence
As finite beings, we can’t always engage in face-to-face communication. Modern technologies, while helpful for bridging distances, often tempt us to undervalue the richness of in-person connection. To help order my own sense of human interaction, I’ve created what I call “the hierarchy of communication.”
Imagine a pyramid. At the top are interactions that prioritize presence and intimacy, like face-to-face conversations. At the bottom are abstracted, impersonal exchanges, such as anonymous social media posts.
Face-to-face interaction is the highest form because practical love happens best in person. Other mediated interactions—video calls, emails, texts—are steps down from this ideal. The lowest rung might be tweeting into a void of strangers (many of whom are bots).
This hierarchy challenges us to privilege the top by choosing the media that best enables us to love one another.
The Difficulty of Face-to-Face Interactions
If this idea seems compelling, why don’t we prioritize it more? For most of us, the majority of interactions in a given day are text messages or emails. We often turn to Google for answers instead of asking friends or family.
Part of the reason is convenience. Googling a question is faster than asking my grandfather. But convenience alone doesn’t explain it. Devices also distract us, steal our attention, and draw us away from meaningful interactions. If convenience were the sole driver, we wouldn’t hate the way these devices consume our time.
The deeper truth is this: we turn to our devices to escape. Real human interaction is hard and uncomfortable. Apologizing, reconciling, or offering help in person is far more demanding than sending a quick text. There’s a reason break-up texts are considered the coward’s way out.
When someone stands before you, shivering and in need, it’s impossible to ignore their plight (James 2:15-16). In-person interaction demands full presence and compels us to confront real human needs, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Resetting with the Communication Hierarchy
If this is even partially true, we need to reexamine our tech use. Think about your last 24 hours: how much of your tech use fostered real connection?
Especially in our epidemic of loneliness, we should consider drastic alternatives to the status quo. When we use technology, we must ask: Are we fostering connection, or are we prioritizing convenience at the expense of deeper relationships?
Practical Ways to Use the Communication Hierarchy
Here are some scenarios where intentional communication choices can help us better love our neighbors and honor God’s command to prioritize presence:
- Reconciliation and Difficult Conversations: When seeking to mend a broken relationship, prioritize meeting in person. Texts or emails can lead to further miscommunication. Instead, schedule a coffee meeting or a face-to-face conversation. According to the biblical model, in-person confrontations should be a prerequisite for any public discussion of wrongdoing (Matt 18:15–20).
- Celebrations and Milestones: Birthdays, weddings, and significant events are opportunities for in-person connection. If attendance is impossible, a video call or handwritten letter is the next best option. A mere “Congrats!” text falls short of the deep connection these moments deserve.
- Encouragement and Support: Visiting a sick friend or delivering a meal to a family in need has a far greater impact than sending a “thinking of you” text. Physical presence embodies Christ’s love in ways technology cannot replicate. James 2:15-16 emphasizes meeting tangible needs, not just offering well-wishes.
- Discipleship and Mentoring: Building someone up in their faith requires more than sharing Bible verses online. Regular, in-person meetings allow for deeper conversations and accountability. Paul’s discipleship of Timothy demonstrates how presence strengthens faith.
What if for the next week, you asked yourself this question every time you pick up your phone: Is there a way to accomplish this task that prioritizes real encounter? My guess is you’d spend less time scrolling, more time connecting, and maybe even make a few friends.
A Call to Prioritize Presence
In-person interaction is more demanding. But it makes us more human. Embracing face-to-face communication will challenge us and push us out of our comfort zones. Yet, it will also lead to the flourishing life God intends for us—a life rooted in love for Him and for one another (1 John 4:7-12).
About the author:
Luke Kieser is a New Testament PhD student at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School studying the theology of the Book of Hebrews. He writes about exegesis, theology, discipleship, and the church. He is also a co-host of the Bible Toolbox, creating resources to help you enjoy the bible through the tools that scholars and programmers have created for you.